Self-Abuse

It feels, I think, 

like how it must be 

to be in an abusive relationship. 

You hide the evidence from your loved ones.

'Just a scratch.'

'I walked into a door.'

'I caught my finger in a hinge.'

You feel ashamed. You feel weak.

'Why do I keep putting myself through this?'

But sometimes, oh, sometimes,

it can be wonderful.

And you forget then, how bad you'll feel afterwards

When you see the marks.

'I'll never do it again.' 

'Don't you feel better now?'

'I can make you feel good.'

And however hard you try,

However much you tell yourself that 

you'll never take them - it - back.

You know that you will.

Because you believe what it says about you.

'You'll never make it on your own.'